Can you help me?

I need some advice on something which is becoming a big problem for me. I’ll start from the beginning…

  When I first moved to this town, I didn’t know a soul. I introduced myself the the girl next door straight away and we have got on well ever since. Until now. ‘Sally’ really doesn’t have much of a social life, she isn’t a socially minded person. She likes to be either  at home or close to home. Now, I know she has no other friends at all, I’ve been told. She finds it hard to make friends, I think she feels awkward in other peoples company. In a one-to-one situation, she’s okay. I’m not sure if there’s an underlying problem here?

   But she’s also a very lazy person. Her husband works full-time and also goes to college on Wednesday evenings. He does all the housework at the weekends as she sits in the lounge watching T.V.with their children, two little girls ages 2 and three.  She openly admits to being lazy, she tells me she literally does nothing at home. I know! I’ve seen it. (Bear with me, I’m getting it all off my chest.)…The problem I have is that she calls into my house once or twice a week when it is very inconvenient, like clockwork and has done for over three years now. At first, I welcomed her into my kitchen for coffee and a chat. But now we only talk about very simple things as you can imagine, so conversation can be somewhat boring and strained.

 Sally arrives when my girls are doing their homework and I’m either making tea, ironing, mopping floors….. I stop.

  When we try to talk, the children are asking me for help or want something to eat or drink. Spud wants my attention, too. He’s three and wants 100% of me! Sally will talk over the children when they are talking to me, I find it so irritating. My children know not to talk over grown ups! Her own child, the 2yr old will be opening and closing the kitchen door over and over again. The 3yr old annoys the *ell out of Spud. Sally says nothing (so do I)

 Chef then comes home and my home looks like I’ve done nothing all day, either! I could tell you more, but I’m afraid you’ll fall asleep.

What would you do? It’s really getting me down now. If she didn’t live next door, it wouldn’t be such a big deal… 



  1. 1
    beccy Says:

    When she rings at the door can you not say ‘I’m afraid I can’t invite you in. The children are in the middle of their homework/I’m suffering from diarrhoea/sickness/etc maybe you could call by at such and such a time’. This way you could choose a time that suited you without feeling to guilty. Maybe you could offer to call into her then you could leave when you want to.

    I used to be very close to my neighbours but now the children are more independent we see very little of each other. Maybe this friendship will peter out as the children get older.

    Good luck with whatever you decide.

  2. How about having your coat on when you answer the door so that you could say you were just on your way out?!

    Sorry, too flippant. I think the answer above is a really good one and shouldn’t offend her at all.

  3. 3
    Eileen Says:

    It sounds as if your relationship is coming to a natural end anyway. Next time she comes, dont make a drink for her. Tell her you are really busy with the children and suggest she comes the following morning or early afternoon when you will have time to talk. When she comes at your invitation be assertive and take control. When you have had enough of her company say ” its been lovely to chat with you Sally but I must get on with some work now”. Stand up and take a step towards the door. This should (with luck) give her the message. Once her children are at school she will perhaps meet other mummies and you could maybe encourage her to join something. As her husband goes to college one night a week maybe he could look after the children once a week to allow her to pursue and interest. Hope this helps.

  4. 4

    What a hard one. The other commenter’s have some good ideas. I’d probably just not answer the door. That would be hard I imagine with kids in the house…

  5. 5
    distybug Says:

    I would just tell her I’d have to reschedule since the kids homework needs to be my priority. Suggest that you meet once a week for coffee somewhere you can have the kids at a playground or some type of free entertainment.

  6. 6
    Elizabeth Says:

    I have gone through a similar situation .I think that you owe it to yourself to make a choice to surround yourself with people who bring out the best in you.There are some people,that no matter how hard they try,they are just draining to the soul. People come in and out of your life all the time.And always for a reason.My advice would be to cut your losses and explain to her when she arrives at your door that you are busy and will have to, regretfully not invite her in.After a few times she will get the message and not come around anymore.Or at least less frequently.Hold your head up high and surround yourself with people and things that make you happy:)

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