Archive for June 2008
Proof of what can happen if a wife or girlfriend drags her husband or boyfriend along shopping. This letter was recently sent by Tesco’s Head Office to a customer in DUBLIN IRELAND :
Dear Mrs. O’Brien,
While we thank you for your valued custom and use of the Tesco Loyalty Card, the Manager of our store in Dublin is considering banning you
and your family from shopping with us, unless your husband stops his antics.
Below is a list of offences over the past few months all verified by our surveillance cameras:
- June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people’s trolleys when they weren’t looking.
- July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
- July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, ‘Code 3′ in housewares….. and watched what happened.
- August 14: Moved a ‘CAUTION – WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area.
- September 15: Set up a tent in the outdoor clothing department and told shoppers he’d invite them in if they would bring sausages and a Calor gas stove.
- September 23: When the Deputy Manager asked if she could help him, he began to cry and asked, ‘Why can’t you people just leave me alone?’
- October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, picked his nose, and ate it.
- November 10: While appearing to be choosing kitchen knives in the Housewares aisle asked an assistant if he knew where the antidepressants were.
- December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the Mission Impossible’ theme.
- December 6: In the kitchenware aisle, practised the ‘Madonna look’ using different size funnels.
- December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed, yelled ‘PICK ME!’ ‘PICK ME!’
- December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, assumed the foetal position and screamed ‘NO! NO! It’s those voices again.’
And; last, but not least:
13. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a while; then yelled, very loudly, ‘There is no toilet paper in here.”
I haven’t had a lot to blog about recently. I visit my friends blogs, but I’ve been struggling to come up with much. Remember a long time ago I posted about the cyst in my neck? Well, I saw my consultant again today and I don’t need to go back to him for six months. I had a fine needle aspiration last week and the results were in my favour.
Bossy finishes school tomorrow and starts college in September! Where do the years go? Pencil came first in some of the games in the school Sports Day and Belle had a very good school report. I’ll get the other two reports tomorrow.
Spud has finished playschool and goes to Montessori in September. He’ll start ‘Big School’ September ’09. What will I do with meself?
Chef is 43 tomorrow but we wont be doing anything exciting. He’s working his @rse off for the next big racing event at the Curragh, so we’ll go out for dinner one night when that’s over.
Here’s my Motivation Monday (as invented by Autumn Rose)
- Get those bloody weeds out of the front garden before they take over again
- Book a table for Chef and me in the local Chinese restaurant.
- Clean the inside of my car
- Organise Belle’s 7th birthday party
- Get a plasterer to fix the wall in the lounge!
Have a great week…
Do you consider yourself to be an optimist or a pessimist? Optimist, definitely.
What is your favorite color of ink to write with? I always write with blue, although I once had a lovely purple finepoint pen. Wonder where it went?
How often do you get a manicure or pedicure? Do you do them yourself or go to a salon and pay for them? I’ve only ever had one pedicure but recently discovered stick-on toenails. Yay! I visited the chiropodist in April and she shook her head and tutted… I do my own fingernails.
Have you ever won anything online? If so, what was it? No
In which room in your house do you keep your home computer? The computer is in the kitchen/dining room and I keep the laptop in the lounge for my late night surfing while the children are asleep and Chef watches any old rubbish on TV. As soon as he falls asleep, I turn onto UKFood. He he!
|What Your Fridge Says About You|
You don’t need a lot of stuff to be happy. There isn’t a greedy bone in your body.You are a very thrifty person. You don’t like to waste money… or food.You are not adventurous at all. You don’t like to be outside your comfort zone.
You are responsible, together, and mature. You act like an adult, even when you don’t feel like it.
You are likely to be married – and very busy.
You may have read recently about the person whose kidneys were stolen from him while he was passed out. Well, read on. Something like this happened to me and countless other women.
My thighs were stolen from me during the night a few years ago. It was just that quick. I went to sleep in my body and woke up with someone else’s thighs. The new ones were the texture of lumpy porridge. Who would have done such a cruel thing to legs that had been mine for years?
Whose thighs were these and what had happened to mine? I spent the entire summer looking for my thighs. Finally, hurt and angry I resigned myself to living out my life in jeans and those tights that pull everything in. Then, just when my guard was down the thieves struck again.
My arse was next! I knew it was the same gang, because they took great pains to match my new rear end to the thighs they had lumbered me with earlier. I couldn’t believe it, my new arse was attached at least three inches lower than my original. Now, my backside complemented my thighs lump for lump. Frantically I prayed that long skirts would stay in fashion.
Last year I realised my arms had been switched.. One morning I was brushing my hair when I watched horrified but fascinated as the flesh of my upper arms swung to and fro with the motion of the hairbrush. This was getting really scary. My body was being replaced one section at a time. How clever and fiendish. I was being attacked repeatedly and without warning. In despair I have given up short sleeved t-shirts.
Last month my neck disappeared faster than the Christmas turkey, which it now resembled.
I can’t take on the medical profession by myself. WOMEN OF THE WORLD WAKE UP AND SMELL THE COFFEE! That really isn’t plastic those surgeons you are using. You KNOW where they are getting those replacement parts, don’t you?
The next time you suspect someone has had a face ‘lifted’ look again. Was it ‘lifted’ from you? I think I finally found my thighs and I hope Cindy Crawford paid a really good price for them!!
THIS IS NOT A HOAX. THIS IS HAPPENING TO WOMEN IN YOUR TOWN EVERY NIGHT.
WARN YOUR FRIENDS!
P..S. How paranoid am I ? Last night I thought someone had stolen my breasts. I was lying in bed and they were gone!
As I jumped out of bed I was relieved to find that they had just been hiding in my armpits as I slept. Now I am
keeping them safely tucked into my waistband!