A man who has just died, is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit.
The female blonde mortician asks the deceased’s wife how she would like the body dressed. She points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.
The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the Blonde mortician a blank check and s says, ‘I don’t care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.’
The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly.
She says to the mortician, ‘Whatever this cost, I’m very satisfied. You did an excellent job and I’ m very grateful. How much did you spend?’ To her astonishment, the blonde mortician presents her with the blank check.
‘There’s no charge,’ she says.
‘No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!’ she says.
‘Honestly, ma’am,’ the blonde says, ‘it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband’s size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice.’
‘So I just switched the heads.’
(BET YOU DIDN’T SEE THAT COMIN!!!)
This is the fairy tale that should have been read to us when we
Once up a time a land far away,
a beautiful, independent, self-assure princess
happened upon a frog as she sat contemplating ecological
issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in
a verdant meadow near her castle.
The frog hopped into the princess’ lap
and said: ‘ Elegant Lady,
I was once a handsome prince,
until an evil witch cast a spell upon me.
One kiss from you, however,and I will turn back
into the dapper, young prince that I am.
and then, my sweet, we can marry
and set up housekeeping in your castle
with my mother,where you can prepare my meals,
clean my clothes, bear my children,
and forever feel grateful and happy doing so.
That night, as the princess dined sumptuously
on lightly sauteed frog legs
seasoned in a white wine
and onion cream sauce,
she chuckled and thought to herself:
I don’t f****** think so.