Archive for the ‘Friday Funny’ Category

These will make you smile!

February 9, 2007

   Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, “Do you want to go to heaven?”  The man said, “I do, Father.”  The priest said, “Then stand over there against the wall.” 

  Then the priest asked the second man, “Do you want to go to heaven?”  “Certainly, Father,” was the man’s reply. “Then stand over there against the wall,” said the priest. 

  Then Father Murphy walked up to O’Toole and said, “Do you want to go to heaven?”  O’Toole said, “No, I don’t Father.” 

  The priest said, “I don’t believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don’t want to go to heaven?”  

  O’Toole said, “Oh, when I die, yes.  I thought you were getting a group together to go right now.”

Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died.  He quickly phoned his best friend, Finny.  “Did you see the paper?” asked Gallagher,  “they say I died!”  “Yes, I saw it!” replied Finny, “where are ye callin’ from?”

An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut.  The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest’s breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.  He says, “Sir, have you been drinking?”  “Just water,” says the priest.  The trooper says, “Then why do I smell wine?” The priest looks at the bottle and says, “Good Lord! He’s done it again!”

Friday funny

February 2, 2007

 In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a beautiful young woman wearing a tight mini skirt was waiting for a bus. As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.

  Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. She tried to take the step, only to discover that she couldn’t.

  So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step.

Once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg.

With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step.

About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.

She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and yelled, “How dare you touch my body! I don’t even know who you are!”

The Texan smiled and drawled, “Well, ma’am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends.”

Friday Funny

January 12, 2007

 An artist had been working on a nude portrait for a long time. Every day, he was up early and worked late – bringing perfection with every stroke of his paint brush. As each day passed, he gained a better understanding of the female body and was able to really make his paintings shine.


 After a month, the artist had become very weary from this non-stop effort and decided to take it easy for the day. Since, Karen, his model, had already shown up, he suggested they merely have a glass of wine and talk – since normally he preferred to do his painting in silence.
 They talked for a few hours, getting to know each other better. Then as they were sipping their claret, the artist heard a car arriving outside. He jumped up and said,


“OH NO It’s my wife! Quick, take off your clothes!”

The Final Word on Nutrition

December 8, 2006

After an exhaustive review of the research literature, here’s the final word on nutrition and health:

1. Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.  

2. Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.  

3. Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

4. Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

5. Germans drink beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

 CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like.  Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

cheers.gif (so slurring is good)